Friday, December 03, 2004

Banff, the sweater that could kill

When we last left The Bookish Girl she was frantically trying to determine whether she had enough yarn to complete her sister’s Christmas present – the elusive Banff. The second thrilling installment of the Banff saga continues below

(dun, dun, dun, duh...)

While
Culina lies in wait The Bookish Girl wallows in the misery that is another four years with President Bush. Unable to face any intelligent mathematics, schematics and/or measurement she throws caution to the wind and pushes on with her knitting with no real plan in mind. This is her first mistake.

She is carefree and barefoot in her adventures (her husband,
Reverse Flash, continues to hide her aimless shoes.) As she finishes up the back of the sweater, thus completing the third piece of the puzzle, she remembers that a local yarn store carries the exact yarn she’s missing. She slowly curbs her enthusiasm with the reality of working with a second dye lot. This would be no small obstacle, but armed with her knitting books she would persevere. The important thing is that SHE WAS IN REACH OF MORE YARN. The sweater would be conquered and completed. It was an ah-ha moment that gave her the confidence to cast on and begin the front, the forth and final piece of the puzzle. This was her second, almost fatal mistake.

The following weekend The Bookish Girl rushes (as fast as one can with a husband called Reverse Flash (the slowest man in the word)) to her local yarn store, The Snow Goose. She fights the blue hairs and carefully chooses three skeins of variegated loveliness. How lucky she is. How fortunate. She compares the yarn to a completed piece of Banff. Ahhh, love at first sight. The dye lot is off, but Banff (and the Bookish Girl) will survive. Her care is paid off when she examines the hank to be sure the color is even throughout. The plastic card is brought out, her signature is procured and she gloats at her good fortune, the third time’s a charm. The fatal mistake had been made; never ever gloat in the eyes of Banff because SHE WILL WIN.

Back at the ranch, Reverse Flash, worn out by The Bookish Girls speed and resolve lies down for a nap. When he awakes he sees this:



With this lying two feet from her outstretched hand.





"Bookish Girl…noooooooo."

Now, Reverse Flash may be slow, but he ain’t no dumbwit. He immediately sees that the yarn, while the same color, has different labels. Upon further inspection he realizes that the yarn his beloved has been knitting with is label "Chunky" and this nomenclature is curiously missing from the Stupid Snow Goose purchased yarn. While he’s not sure exactly what this means, he slowly realizes that his literacy minded love has been foiled by Banff. He
pictures her happy with Banff. He knows he can save her. He pleads to the yarn Goddess as he dons his Bookish Girl Hand Knit Sweater (its small nature accentuates his rippling biceps), "Give me direction oh Great One.”

Will the Goddess reply? Will Reverse Flash be able to “spring” into action? And where are The Bookish Girl's shoes?

All of this and more will be answered in the next episode of
“Banff, the sweater that could kill”…..

(dun, dun, dun, daaaaa)

*no animals, yarn, or humans where harmed in the production of this episode.
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10 Comments:

Blogger margene said...

Grrl, I just HATE when that happens! Hope you come out better on the other side.

12/03/2004 2:52 PM  
Blogger melanie said...

hysterical!

12/03/2004 3:10 PM  
Blogger Elisa said...

Easily one of the funniest blog entries I've ever read. In fact, I read the entry twice. And then I made Mike look, and he thought it was funny, which is a high compliment from a non-knitter. ;)

Thanks for the great banff story. It was well worth the wait!

12/04/2004 10:23 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

The picture alone will keep me in stitches all day, thanks for sharing,
J
http://saintvodkaofthemartini.blogspot.com/

12/04/2004 1:11 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

D'oh! If it makes you feel any better, my husband has *three times now* (on separate occasions) happily informed me that he bought me some caffeine-free Diet Coke at the grocery store and each time he has in fact brought home caffeine-free Regular Coke. "The @#$%& labels, they're so close!" he always exclaims.

12/04/2004 9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That picture is classic. :) Thanks for making me smile.

~ Erin

12/04/2004 10:41 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Umm... it's Tuesday! You can't leave us hanging like this?!?

12/07/2004 3:15 PM  
Blogger iHanna said...

Hey,
just found your blog, but it looks more like an exiting horror book! ;-)

Like your banff-story, I'm knitting something similar (inspired by banff) and the story of that could probably be as long! Yikkies!

Take care now, both you and Reverse Flash, don't ever let the Banff get you!

/Hanna, also a massiv reader and knittergrrl

12/08/2004 9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay... you need to put a warning up when you're posting a pic like that. I almost spit perfectly good German beer all over my monitor! HI LAR I OUS!!

Jean
http://scottishlamb.typepad.com

12/08/2004 1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are awesome. You should have seen Rob taping all around me. It was very sick and twisted but hilarious! And for crying out loud Jean, keep the beer in your mouth. ;) Stay tuned.

12/08/2004 8:41 PM  

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